Halloween Hos: Best Costumes According to the Whitest Kids U'Know

For Attached Ho's;

• Dr. Zizmor and a patient with tighter, firmer, younger-looking skin
• Lieutenant Jim Dangle and Deputy Trudy Weigel from Reno 911!
• Matthew Broderick as Ferris Bueller and Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw
• Jim and Pam from The Office
• An inflatable rat and union worker
• Leona Helmsley and Trouble the dog
• Nancy Pelosi and Henry Paulson fighting
• Tim and Heidi from Project Runway
• Eliot Spitzer and a prostitute
• A pregnant Bristol Palin and baby-daddy Levi Johnston
• Richard Simmons and the Treats Truck

For a Ho Posse;

• Obese, slow-moving Times Square tourists
• Robert Palmer and his shellacked entourage of red-lipsticked girlies
• Tyra Banks and the cast of America’s Next Top Model
• Brangelina and their many children
• The cast of The Breakfast Club
• New Kids on the Block
• Disgruntled, out-of-work Lehman Brothers employees
• Smushed L-train passengers
• The cast of the Optimum Online commercials (“8-7-7…3-9-3…4-4-4-8!”)
• Damien Hirst and his shark tank
• Golden Girls (R.I.P. Estelle)
• Tom Otterness and his worker statues
• Andy Warhol and his Factory crew
• Garbage Pail Kids
• Serena, Dan, Chuck, Nate, Vanessa and Jenny from Gossip Girl
• Cesar Milan and a pack of misbehavin’ dogs
• Joe Six-Packs and Hockey Moms sporting John McCain paraphernalia
• Con Ed workers on break
• Bedbugs carrying a filthy mattress like pallbearers at a funeral
• Clue characters
• Synchronized dancers/drummers/LED-covered performers from the Olympics opening ceremony
• The cast of Heathers (complete with croquet mallets)
• The cast of I Want to Work for Diddy
• The cast of The Real World: Brooklyn
• Mormons on a mission
• Marilyn Monroe, Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe and Michael Musto as Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe
• The Beastie Boys circa “Sabotage”
• Brood from polygamist cult Yearning for Zion
• Publishers Clearing House gang, toting a giant check and balloons
• Early-era Beatles
• The Peanuts gang
• The freaks and/or geeks from Freaks and Geeks
• Blue Man Group
• A dozen bagels
• A line of commuters angrily waiting for one jerk to correctly swipe his MetroCard
• Washington Square Park lightsaber warriors
• The Real Housewives of New York City
• A pack of Staten Island ninjas
• The Wild Bunch
• Hillary Clinton and an angry female mob
• Landlord and an angry tenant mob
• Yorick, Agent 355, Dr. Mann and capuchin monkey Ampersand from Y: the Last Man
• Menudo!
• Mayor Bloomberg, Christine Quinn, Sheldon Silver and other term-limit hypocrites
• Hasidim and hipsters—fighting
• Hugh Hefner and The Girls Next Door
• New York street food (hot dog, pretzel, knish, shawarma, etc.)
• A Washington Square Park ensemble (the arch, the homeless person, the drug dealer, the NYU freshman guitarist, etc.)
• Michael Phelps and his six abs (plus pacifier!)
• The Dow—everybody lay there looking dead

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